exogenous: *FROM THE OUTSIDE*
Zeen was not allowing anyone to disrupt or interrupt her moonlight
fantasy. This came around once a month.
On such nights, whether full of light, cloud, rain or storm, Zeen would
find her body stirred to seek out itself. It was not simply biology or
physiology. An energy shifted her thoughts in it. Her dreams were not in
another place but in it. Sleep happened in and to it.
She switched off her phone, turning to warm edges of her pubic hairs,
twisting them as heat rose in trickles up and down her belly. The first
woman, what was the first woman like when she met herself experiencing
this intense pleasure pulling at her unknowing?
It must’ve been too wonderful, she thought, for any woman to conceive of
it as imbalance or ill-health. Not this ecstasy, not this languageless
Urd would never come by on his own accord, she thought. She warned him
gently that she preferred to be alone.
Rosetta would not call again, preferring to travel into the space of her
own thoughts, unraveling maybe the meaning of rock, how rock was formed,
its water or carbon content if any. Rosetta knew her well enough to know
her passion for privacy.
Zeen did not have to be concerned about being disturbed. She could also
turn off all systems, but that was something she did not like to do.
Her body talked. This vast space in space could not be reduced to high
blood pressure or high blood sugar. Hmm. Blood became warm, or for that
matter is always warm. On nights like these the surface of the skin was
tough in texture, smooth, supple too. Its underneath was close,
responsive, part of the conspiracy of desire. This vast smallness could
not be reduced to vital signs.
She thought this a matter to be raised with her space psychology friend,
but for now her breasts were firm, upright and full. She was pleased
with her anatomy slipping into self-satisfaction, self-stimulation.
She had begun the journey into finding delight in herself. For her, it
took off from the outside.
Finding touch patterns was important. She had to remember where she
touched when she started. It did not always matter where she ended up
since that was usually in a zone or at a point of pleasure. Her fingers
recalled that point almost spontaneously.
Zeen was fast becoming an acupressure specialist, though she did not
consciously know it. She was finding her body’s points of interest.
Tonight, they had a date.
Meanwhile, Rosetta was becoming increasingly restless after that image
on the vase had caught her attention. She did not want to call or text
She walked to her window and was amazed. It must be her imagination, as
the songwriter noted. She must be sleepwalking.
Out of the clear sky, she saw a human form, form. The sexless being was
standing on nothing, apparently floating like someone in space. Theface
was beautiful and the white clothing shone. As soon as she tried to see
it again, consciously again, it vanished.
She felt a warm stimulation in her brain almost as if dopamine had been
released. That image had affected her pituitary maybe. Nah, there was
The vase was rattling, shaking as if there was a light tremor. She
looked to the distant sky again.
This time the same being emerged from a pattern of stars — sh.