You are a single woman who is frustrated because your life and relationships are humdrum and mundane. Time to make some changes. What are you really passionate about? What makes your heart sing? Are you waiting for a relationship to make your life begin? It’s time to step out of your comfort zone and begin to live a life that has energy and momentum.
Step 1 – Move out of Indecisive
As a single coach many of the women I speak to are indecisive about their lives and particularly about relationships. They seem to be in a rut and don’t know how to find the time, energy or focus to have it be different.
Ask yourself the question; is my life as I would like it to be? Do I have a picture of how I want my life to look in a year, 2 years, 5 years? I suggest that if you want you life to be different you first have to start with your own vision. Part of this vision will probably include a relationships. So Step 1 is to build your vision, give yourself time and space to do this – get yourself a notebook, look at all areas of your life, including relationships, and write down how you would life to look.
Step 2 – Moving from trying to doing
Part of the problem for single women is that you do not know how to make the changes in your attitudes and actions. Quite a lot of the time I hear women say that they will ‘try’ to do something. Have you ever just tried to pick up a cup? Just trying ends in failure because you will not complete the action.
So now you have a vision how are you going to make this happen? How are you going to convert trying into doing? Step 2 is about learning not just to dip your toe in the water but to make the first step. Look at the work you have done on your vision and ask yourself what is the one thing I can do today which will move me towards that vision? This action will often be very small but it is a step taken and achieved.
Step – 3 Change
Change is not half-hearted, it has energy and dynamism. It is about having a headline for your life that says “I know where I am heading and I am walking in that direction”. So in Step 2 I talked about taking the first steps. Although these may be small at first the aim is for you to get your life in motion and find more energy for yourself.
Step 3 is about how to find that energy. If you want to achieve lasting change in your life you are going to have to feel successful in the steps you are taking. What are you really passionate about that you are not doing now? What makes your heart sing? I suggest you concentrate on those areas of life that will bring you the biggest gains first. That means don’t necessarily look at the relationship part first, look at those parts that you can achieve on your own.
Step 4 – Commitment to yourself first
Guess what, you need to fix your life first and a relationship that you desire will follow. This sounds like a tall order but I can assure you it works like that. Your first commitment is to yourself and getting all the pieces of your life in order so that you can have the future that you desire.
How can you keep that commitment? Step 4 is you putting your agenda at the top of your list of priorities. This is not about being selfish but about being self-focused and self-disciplined. Take the situation when you have promised yourself that you will do a particular task that will move you towards your vision. A friend phones, she is lonely and would like to meet for a drink. It is easy for you to give up on your task after all you want to be a good friend but it is more important to remind yourself about your priorities. After all you can meet her tomorrow night. So don’t put off those things that move you further down your path.
Step 5 – Making a plan and sticking to it.
It is so easy to let life get in the way and find yourself back where you were. Therefore the most important part is having a plan for your life and for relationships that will keep you focused on moving forward.
My suggestion is that Step 5 is for you draw up a plan. It will have different areas for the different parts of your life. Then ask yourself what can I do this week, this month, this 6 months to move forward? Now it is time to make appointments with yourself, but your tasks in your diary. Be kind to yourself and don’t make them too big or too many just slow and steady. See yourself being successful in ticking them off week by week.